Yesterday was the day to have a small get together with the family before the boy heads off to school. We moved it to where the people are because my niece had dance practice and this way we would still see her and my sister. Also, it was easier for the old folks to spend more time with us before heading home. It was a lovely time. We just gathered up the goods and headed to Campbell. I am normally much fussier about the food etc but yesterday I kept it completely simple. Pizza, chip, cheese n crackers, and cake. Lately, I just cannot figure out…or should I say want not want to deal with food prep. I guess it must be the food avoidance that makes it harder for me to plan a menu etc. If it was up to me all food would be a smoothie. His cousin was home from her college…but then she loves coming home almost every weekend because she is an hour away. He got to spend time with his cousins and then he went off to say goodbye to his ex-girlfriend. They broke up because of geographical constraints this coming year. She is such a lovely girl and I know they were happy to see each other one last time before he leaves. Here are some pictures from the party.
It feels like he is gone already because he spends more time out of the house than ever. Between work and friends, we are already missing him dearly. Today he has been in the city(San Francisco) with his best friend.
I am starting to watch the weather closely and Manhattan heated up to a balmy 30deg F today. Lord help me. I am not used to that at all.
I had a meeting with the nutritionist on Friday. My issues go in cycles and I am stress eating at the moment with binges. I was not in the mood to go and deal with it on Friday and I came very close to canceling because sometimes the old Sharon comes out and she has food as her boss. I am glad that I went. I hate preparing food, to begin with, but I HATE making food for myself so I will sometimes not bother at all. So I am going to try and concentrate on having at least one smoothie or superfood drink daily to get the vitamins etc that I need. I looked at the picture of me above with the guys and I look like a pale washed out dishrag. Bring on the iron infusions. I am still waiting for that appointment so I am sure I will only get there when we get back from our trip.
I am feeling weirdly numb about the upcoming trip. I know that I am as I like to say….Inside my own head. This is when I really need to watch the food intake. It is easy to just push feeling sad away with your hand reaching for some food. Tomorrow is my weekly visit with Not Jean and this will be my last visit before I leave. Next week I am on my own with the worries inside my head….should be like a crazy carnival ride. Maybe the balmy weather will freeze them….LOL
Tomorrow my classes start at school. I am doing the math online…did I already mention that….and I have now done all the homework and quizzes that precede the first test which is due on Feb18th. I love jumping ahead.
The rest of the week we will be starting to take stock of what he has and what he still needs to buy when we get into NYC.
Oh well…Happy Sunday and I hope that you have a great week.
The photo above was taken when I noticed this random tree trunk base as I was walking down the street today so I thought I would share. Today I decided to once again try a mindfulness women’s circle at the local Buddist prayer center. It was, to say the least….mmmm interesting. I am really not sure if this is for me. It involved meditation and then a circle introduction and activity about the circle of life and using medicine wheel. Here is a link to the information on a Medicine wheel. Very interesting.
We got to choose a card that spoke to us….mmm I wonder why this grabbed my eye So at any rate we were given a wheel to write on as we saw fit. I wrote my thoughts in the middle and then I struck on coming home that I should write the poem I wrote about Motherhood on the circle. So this afternoon I set aside time to go ahead and transfer the poem and then I decorated the outer limits into a mandala pattern as my own mindfulness exercise. Here is the end result.
I am trying to make an effort to get out of the house but I am a little unsure about this group being the right thing for me. I think I prefer the Restorative yoga.
My college classes are supposed to start on Monday but the Math teacher made the material available to us already. This class is really stressing me out and so I decided to get started this afternoon. I got into the groove and finished all of the homework exercises that are due up until Feb 8th. So far so good but we will see how long that lasts.
The boy was at work most of the day. It was supposed to be his last day but he is squeezing in one last shift on Monday. He then went out for dinner with one of his high school friends. Forget spending time with your parents the week before you leave. There is no time for that.
Well, here we go. Time is moving fast and furious. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the nutritionist and then I need to go and pick up a cake for the farewell party on Saturday. I heard that Sprinkles now makes full-size cakes so I hope that they are pretty good.
I have been trying to get moving again. I miss the walks way too much. This is a shitty photo but I really enjoyed the cool crisp weather yesterday. I love the winter days when the sky is blue, there is no wind and it all seems calm. I am only making 1 mile but it is a good start. I need to start taking the camera with me again. It will be great to get a nice walk in again. I cannot wait for the iron infusion. Putting the Christmas decorations away and the walk wiped me out. I needed a nap…ironic seeing as I cannot sleep at night. So I dare not nap however exhausted I feel.
So, there are 18 days until wheels up to NYC for move-in day. The sleep issues have been pretty bad. I do not like relying on doping myself to sleep but you tend to get desperate when you are still awake at 4.30am. The tuition was paid yesterday…no more denial now. I still cannot understand why they have not given him a dorm assignment yet. Insanity. The boy is spending the night tonight with his elementary/Middle school gang that I affectionately call the PiepieJoller gang. PiepieJoller is a South African slang term for little tweens who hang around and party thinking they are cool. I gave them the nickname when they were in middle school. It is a great group of kids who all went to different high schools but still keep in touch. Four of them have been friends since kindergarten. So once again I only have dinner to cook for Lovie. It is a pain in the ass to cook for one. I tried this “superfood” shake as my meal of the day. It was not bad. A little gritty but the nutty aftertaste was pretty decent. It helped me get half of my protein
Now for something completely different. I have been meaning to share the video of my Japanese Jiggly cake disaster. Here is a link to the actual recipe.
I am not that excited by the design above and I do not even have it attached to any product but it is was something to share. Half of it matches my mood…Black. I have anxiety strangulating me again today. It is once again that choking feeling I get when it feels like it has a stranglehold on me. It sits on my chest and feels like someone has a grip on my neck. It feels so bad that I imagine that if I could just vomit it would get rid of it. Now that is daft because that is not a solution. I am trying mindfulness again. So far not doing much good. That visit to “not Jean” just did not do it for me today. I am really not in the mood for this anymore. It is not helping me feel any better. I am thinking of just giving up on it. Not sure what I will do. At least I made it home without having a car crash this week. After the appointment, I went and pick up some milk tea for the family and I stopped off at the supermarket for a thing or two. I came home and finished off my essay for the English Class. It turns out I am registered for an honors class so I did not need any extra paperwork so the essay should count. I fought with the printer for about 45 minutes and I finally got it reconnected to the laptop to print out the essay to hand in tomorrow.
The boy is at a performing arts banquet at school this evening. I have started a habit of making extra meals for one when I am prepping dinner and putting them in the freezer. So I was able to pull a lasagna for one out of the freezer for the lovie tonight, I do not need dinner or feel like dinner so it is very handy to pull out a fully cooked (made from scratch ) meal and heat it up. Saves me cooking for one.
School is officially done tomorrow after my final and then I can spend the summer working on getting the business up and running. I have set up a separate checking account with all of my seed money in it. It is official I am now going to start keeping track of everything. I have attended this women’s mindfulness group that meets on a Thursday morning and now that I am free I think I need to go and pluck up the courage to maybe go and be with other women. We will see just how courageous I can be.
Oh well, hump day is over. Onward towards the weekend. Lovie and I have the weekend to ourselves because the boy is going on a senior retreat this weekend. Earlier that day he will be presenting his senior project. I might share the video if the video works for his presentation on Friday morning. They also have to go to Chapel for their final Senior Mass and prizegiving. Thanks for visiting. Sorry, it is all doom and gloom but I feel shit-tastic today.
If I have to sit on this couch and watch television for another day I am going to scream. Lord, I am so bored but the lightest of physical activity leaves me completely winded. I do not have the mental energy even to be creative. Not much creating going on on this couch in the past few days. I constantly look around at ideas an I feel 100 years old. I have things to do. I have no time for this at all. I received the results back from the whooping cough test and it is not whooping cough so as I suspected I am sure that it is severe bronchitis….have I told you that already?
So the boy has committed to Tufts. I am so proud of him. He will be great there. I just know it. He also knows that he can come home at any point at all. I am so happy that we know of two other families who have kids that will be going there as well. He also has a good friend going to college across the Charles at Berklee. I cannot believe our baby is ending up at university a few miles from where his dad went to college. The cliche, “Circle of Life” comes to mind.
This evening I am a very tiny bit better. I hope that tomorrow I will be up for my visit with (not Jean). I will see if this is going to work out or if I need to keep looking. I am super anxious right now and I need to work it out and try and make it more manageable.
Tomorrow I hope to go and pick up a few items to make two more of those money cakes. My two other special girls are turning 15 and 16 in the next two weeks and so I want to make each of them mini money cake. I will post step by step pictures as I am making them. We are getting ready to celebrate 3 birthdays in the first twelve days of May as well as Mother’s day. Maybe I can conjure up something creative for Mother’s day. If I do I will post instructions to the creations. I had better put on my creative hat.