I have not written in a while. Not sure why but I have been busy recording in my personal private journal and so I have not had the stamina…mentally to do this as well. I have been home most of the week. I have been at home most of the weekend. I did go to therapy with not Jean this week. It went well. I only go every second week now and I sometimes find it hard to pick up where I left off but I guess it is always revolving around the same issues so it works…most of the time. I need to try and be on my game to make it effective.

Today was my meeting with my wonderful nutritionist J. She is so sweet. Such a good and kind person. I felt like it was good to chat today. I went because I am still struggling with some food issues but I must say that the obsessions are no longer like they used to be. I have been having inflammatory and digestive issues so I wanted some ideas for the correct food to tame the inflammation. She gave me a great list of all of the foods that are good to ensure that you get all the phytonutrients you need. I am so good at doing the right thing after I see her but then I fall off the wagon. I do not like eating dinner and I always think that eating all of these things will make me balloon up. I think I am finally getting it that lettuce, tomatoes, beets, chicken, etc will not make you fat if you keep filling up on well-balanced meals. So tonight I decided to make this salad for us for dinner. It has lettuce, tomato, avocado, beets, peas, ancient grains, almonds, carrots, wheatberries, almond slivers, and cranberries. It was so varied that it was satisfying. She would be impressed that I got my shit together tonight. Now the interesting thing will be to see if I have the tenacity to keep it up and to get the nutrition under control so that I am not in pain digestively or racked with body aches. It is funny when you reach an achievement that may sound odd to the outside world but is a big thing for you. Well, the amount of cajoling that Jean had to do to get me to finally go and see J for all of my food issues was exhausting for her I am sure…no wonder she retired…just kidding. I had an aversion to having to see a nutritionist as I resent being taken to a nutritionist as a child. I wanted to be in control. Another issue is that I find it infuriating and humiliating to have people weigh me…another throwback to not being in control. Embarrassingly it took Jean pointing it out to me that I was ultimately in control and no one could make me weigh myself to make me wake up and go to see the nutritionist. I have never let her weigh me. Well, when I went for my physical the nurse pissed me off and too complicated to explain but I was weighed and he entered the weight. It was 5 pounds heavier than my home scale. I was pissed off…irrationally. Not at the weight difference but that he entered the weight…..issues much? So I started to think that maybe I should weigh myself with her today to see if I am really that much heavier than I think I am. Towards the end of the appointment, we actually did it. We were ready to take a selfie to send to Jean. It has only taken 3 years to get it right.

This coming week we will be going to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for our 20th wedding anniversary. Max happened to have a week free and he has decided to come home but basically, he will be home the whole time that we are on vacation in Jackson Hole….oops.

Well, that is all that I have to report today. I have been purging so many items. I have been selling all of the purses that I no longer use. I have a goal in mind to buy my dream purse with the proceeds. We will see how that turns out. Well, have a good weekend. It is 2:30am and I am still awake…yikes. Hopefully, I will post again before we leave and maybe while we are there.