Boots and Baristas…Twelve days and counting.

img_0563No one has ever had as much fun in a part-time job as much as this guy. He cracks me up. He loves going to work every day and the people at work have been teaching him to be a Barista which is funny because his job finishes tomorrow. If I had to get up at 4:45am to go and make avocado toast for overprivileged brats or wash dishes I would be less than pleasant. He does not even leave when his shift is done so he can hang out with the people that work there.

Yesterday he finally got his dorm assignment. He is thrilled with the assignment. He is getting to live his dream. He will actually be living on Broadway in the artsy farty dorm building. He will find his tribe for sure. He has a two-person room so he only has to share a bathroom with one guy. The only worry is that there is no dining hall in that building and I do not trust him to eat enough. His skinny butt cannot afford to miss meals. He has to go to other buildings to get dinner. aa6ffa18-2cd9-4a4f-842d-c65af18528fbWe had to buy a few items of clothing for ourselves and so I got to buy snow boots for the trip. Actually nice and warm and I could probably use them here for the rainy season.

I actually got to sleep before midnight last night and I slept until 6 am and then I actually fell asleep again and then woke up at 10:45am. I feel a little human again but that churning anxiety is still under the surface…bubbling like hot lava. I want to go out this afternoon and buy the paper goods and snacks for his farewell party on Saturday. We are moving it to my sister’s house because it makes it easier for everyone. That way nana and papa do not have to travel here if it is raining. We booked our hotel last night. Nice and close to the dorms. We will be able to go shopping for necessities. His dorm room has even got place for a fridge and microwave. I think he has more closet space in that room than he has here at home. I told lovie that we did not need to do any touristy stuff but I think I want to go to MJ Trimmings again. That store is AMAZING. Walls and Walls of ribbons and patches and buttons…heaven. img_8393

Darn, this is tough on a parent. We are taking the strain. I know his dad is feeling it too. You raise them to leave but shit it is harder than you think. I wish I would have known this years ago. “Actual” Jean told me to be prepared two years ago but I wish I had known this 8 years ago. I know that I have made changes to have something for myself and I am still struggling. I am almost finished with my Digital Art and Animation degree and I am trying to formulate a way to get this business idea of mine off the ground. It is all stuttering and spluttering but I think I can get there eventually. Yesterday I started looking at some math classes on Khan Academy. I am amused at the prospect of actually having to pass two math classes in the next two semesters if I want to finish this degree. Heaven help me and my live-in tutor. Mr “Three degrees from MIT” has his work cut out for him. LOL.

I have been watching the weather in Manhattan and I have noticed that it is getting colder and colder. Oh Lord, this is going to be fun.



It’s the final countdown, superfood, and Japanese Cheesecake

img_8810I have been trying to get moving again. I miss the walks way too much. This is a shitty photo but I really enjoyed the cool crisp weather yesterday. I love the winter days when the sky is blue, there is no wind and it all seems calm. I am only making 1 mile but it is a good start.  I need to start taking the camera with me again. It will be great to get a nice walk in again. I cannot wait for the iron infusion. Putting the Christmas decorations away and the walk wiped me out. I needed a nap…ironic seeing as I cannot sleep at night.  So I dare not nap however exhausted I feel.

So, there are 18 days until wheels up to NYC for move-in day. The sleep issues have been pretty bad. I do not like relying on doping myself to sleep but you tend to get desperate when you are still awake at 4.30am. The tuition was paid yesterday…no more denial now. I still cannot understand why they have not given him a dorm assignment yet. Insanity. The boy is spending the night tonight with his elementary/Middle school gang that I affectionately call the PiepieJoller gang. PiepieJoller is a South African slang term for little tweens who hang around and party thinking they are cool. I gave them the nickname when they were in middle school. It is a great group of kids who all went to different high schools but still keep in touch. Four of them have been friends since kindergarten.  So once again I only have dinner to cook for Lovie. It is a pain in the ass to cook for one. I tried this “superfood” shake as my meal of the day. It was not bad. A little gritty but the nutty aftertaste was pretty decent. It helped me get half of my protein


Now for something completely different. I have been meaning to share the video of my Japanese Jiggly cake disaster. Here is a link to the actual recipe.

and here is my reality…Try not to laugh to kind ok..bwahhhh.

Stop eating already


Arghhh! I have been struggling to lose the weight that I have been carrying since I put on 10 lb after my iron infusion. I had lost 3-4 lb and I have been pretty much in control and then yesterday and today the binge monster has been uncontrollable. I always try and stay at the most 1200 calories and yesterday it was about 2000 and today at least 1600. So what is wrong with that you may say. Well, anything over 1200 calories and I start ballooning up like a fat pig. Also, two days in a row is extremely weird. I wanted to go and try the Iyengar Yoga and I was too tired and sleepy. I am hoping to go to the Wednesday class instead. I have to laugh because of I was all geared up to go to school tomorrow and it only starts on Thursday. What a complete ditz.

I have recorded the kiddo’s whole life in Shutterfly books. Strangely enough I have never seen the fun in scrapbooking. I have one for every year of his toddlerhood and then for each school year and our many vacations. However, I have never done any books covering his high school or the theater years. So I have taken on the epic task. The school website literally has thousands of pictures for each play and seeing that he was a lead or major part every time there are a lot of pictures of him. I think this is going to take a good few weeks to do it right. I have so many projects on the go trying to keep my mind busy. The anxiety is pretty awful and I think that this is triggering the eating. I can only hope that tomorrow is a little better.

The kiddo worked from 8-2pm and then he went to a friend. I saw him for about 30 minutes and then he headed out to meet up with his middle school class of 2014. They are all having a last goodbye before heading off to college.

Happy Monday. I hope your week gets better by the day. Peace





Not perfect but better

IMG_7452So this is the table that has been tweaked, I think that it is more attractive now. I also received new scarves and purses. The ones that I had hope would be here have not arrived yet. My anxiety is still stifling. I had a good long chat with not Jean on Wednesday. She has differing opinions to actual Jean so my brain was a little fried.Slightly differing opinions which is to be expected but now it is to make sense of both and decide what I think and want.  I want this to be a success but does it have to be that now. I never thought of it that way. If it is so distressing to stand and sell to strangers then is it the right thing for me now. I have a lot of emotions because of the kiddo leaving. I have booked three more farmers markets and one flea market. I will have to see how it goes and assess how good it is for me to be doing this right now. I will keep on designing. Maybe her suggestion on concentrating on getting it to stores instead might be good. I am in really bad shape most days. So frustrating. Today I had a quiet day at home. I actually blew the dust out of the sewing machine and made three little coin purses. The machine was so dirty inside I had to use a air canister to clean out the fluff and now it is working pretty well.

Boy went and took his girl to the beach tonight to watch the sunset. He is so smitten with her and it is precarious because she is still in high school and being a senior this year she has a lot of things to think about. Young love…so complicated. fullsizeoutput_5dd4Tomorrow is Friday. I am heading down to the south-bay to go to lunch with Papa and my sister and her girls. I want to go to Reconstructive Yoga tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to it. Well watch for pictures from our Indian Lunch tomorrow.


Overthinking it

The farmer’s market sidewalk stall in progress.

I am busy trying to rework my scarf display for the farmers market on Saturday. It is a work in progress. Set up in my dining room working it again and again until it looks like I want it to look. I want it to be eye catching so that they see the colors and designs. I find that they do not understand it until they see that the designs are unique. My anxiety is not ideal for this exercise. I will just keep reworking it until it looks good. I am hoping that the new scarves will be here this week. I will post the work in progress as it goes along and some photos of the new scarves when they arrive. I am in the mood to sew for some reason. Not sure why but what the heck..I might just do that tomorrow.

Nana being schooled by Tannie in Texas.

I had a nice chat to my mom this afternoon on face time in Texas. I got to say hi to my cousins and favorite aunt as well. Tomorrow it is once again time for not Jean. I have a lot to talk about. Also tomorrow night is Yin Gentle Yoga. I am looking forward to it.

I have been making smoothies in the morning as per the nutritionist suggestion to get my nutrients boosted for the day. . I have been using the pea greens and they make the drink taste good. Tomorrow I am going to add some shredded carrots. I have lost almost 2 lb thank goodness. I need that  I was not that disciplined today but you know…

I am just being creative with whatever I have on a particular day. I bought some coconut water and beet juice today to use as the liquid base. I am working really hard at trying to put the food issues behind me….time will tell…until I get angry and starve again.

Smoothie of the day.

It’s too peopley out there

IMG_7428.JPGI found this shirt on Zulily today that says “Stay Home it is too Peopley out there” I could not have said it better. I went and did the farmers market today. I do not know if I can handle this. It was so agonizing and nervewracking for me. More than once I could have abandoned ship and just left my stuff and run screaming. I am really an odd cookie. Not sure why I am so nervous about this but I am. I really think that this can go somewhere but I need to figure out how to explain that it is my own artwork and that is why every one of the scarves is different. I sold nothing but neither did the lady next to me right up until 10 min to closing when she sold a small little purse. The other lady near me sold one or two fairy houses that she makes. I am so conflicted. I want to make this work but I just am not sure if I am a person cut out for being at festivals. I just cannot deal with people…..sad but true. I am going to stick it out for now and try different displays to see what works.

This evening the guys and I went to a concert in the park near our home. It was lovely. This area near the bay is notorious for it’s freezing and wild wind. It was very pleasant in the park and there was a food truck selling waffles. It was lovely to sit and listen to music. We are getting old because next time we will be sure to take chairs. My hip is pretty bad at the best of times. I am hobbling along again. This is so frustrating as it messes with exercise. h1JltEc4Riy0Quzw90CV5w Our pal, Wallace, as he was dubbed by Max. He joined us for the concert, He moved like the wind.

Friday at last

IMG_7407So we all made it to Friday. I am still in a state of serious anxiety and panic. The visit to my nutritionist went well. She is the kindest, sweetest most wonderful woman I have met. She is always so helpful. I am getting it slowly but surely…I hope. I think. The relationship with food is improving a little bit at a time. My actual nutrition and getting good fuel into my body is most definitely a work in progress. I am not sure how a 50-year old woman gets to 50 without that skill….but it is what it is. Apart from that, I went to Office Depot to pick up a few bits and bobs. I am set up to take credit cards on my phone so I wanted to make sure I had a battery power bank and I found a great deal and for a Vivitar for $3 on sale. I came home and boy was missing. I thought he had just missed me and was on his way to meet her. She confuses me sometimes. I think she is lovely and perfect for him but she keeps him on a string and will cancel plans or spend a day with girlfriends instead of him. She will get back from a trip and not see him for two more days. I cannot understand it. He is so gentle and loving that he just takes it. I would say she is not that into it but honestly, I have seen the way she looks at her and him at her. She looks at him so adoringly. Teenagers…yikes. I just cannot stand seeing him hurting. He has always been a tender old soul. He also has not yet found a job. He really needs to get moving.

I am busy making lasagna and then I am heading out to go and attend a restorative yoga class again. It is honestly one of the most relaxing things I have ever done. It is such a pity that the drive and parking experience is the usual Bay Area Nightmare. I have to leave an hour early to find parking at a class 2 miles away. It is like when I go to visit no Jean on a Wednesday. My appointment is at 2:30pm and it is 60 min. I have to leave home at 1:40 to make sure I get there on time and if I go to the grocery store I get home after 5pm. Her office is about 4-5 miles away. Crazy. A one-hour appointment basically kills the whole afternoon. I took a nap this afternoon for the first time in a few weeks. I did dose myself with Ativan and some baileys last night so maybe I was not finished sleeping.

Screen Shot 2018-06-19 at 5.16.54 PMNow for a little giggle at the ditz. I have bought a clothing rack and another 3 tier organizer on wheels for the farmers market on Sunday. Like all good Ikea things, you have to build them yourself. Now I am a little odd on most levels and one of them is that I love building Ikea furniture. So I set out about putting the clothing rack on wheels together. Darn it. I am almost finished and I wanted to attach the top rail that the clothes hang on and I dropped the bolt into the tube and now it is stuck and I cannot get it out. I was so close to getting done. I think it is going to be perfect for my needs. I am dying to try it out so boohoo. Welcome to my life. I am hoping the guys can pull the end cap so we can get it out….otherwise, I am not sure what to do.

Ok, I am off to try and calm my troubled soul. Have a wonderful and peaceful weekend. I will let you know how the farmer’s market went.

Happy Weekend.

Bang Bang

Beautifully sad 

I must be honest I have been a little lax with the blogs but for no real reason. Just caught up in doing nothing..LOL. Now things are settling down. I got my grade back from my Honors English class and it was an A. Now I can go ahead and enjoy summer and concentrate on the design business. I am trying to figure out all of the avenues. I am going to give it a try at the DeAnza Flea Market next month. It might be a little low brow for my items but I will not know unless I try. I also contacted the local San Carlos farmers market as they do allow nonfood vendors. I am keen to give it a try. Things are moving for sure.

Yesterday I finally tried Yoga. It was gentle Yin Yoga. I am still hoping for a Restorative yoga class showing up on the schedule at the local yoga place I have enrolled in. It was a little difficult as my bursitis makes my hip stiff but I must say that I enjoyed it. I have put on 10 pounds and I cannot get rid of it. I am so frustrated. I put on this weight after my iron infusion at the end of last year and I can scream because it will not budge. I do not exercise like I used to because of my hip but I am ready to ice it, novacaine it…do whatever it takes to at least get a mile every day. I hope to get the yoga in at least twice a week. I have to get rid of the 10 pounds. It is disgusting.  The nutritionist always tells me I eat too little so my body freaks out and holds onto every pound. Well doing it the other way makes me put on weight. I am not ashamed to say that I am obsessed with checking the scale. I do not have any faith in my ability not to keep gaining. I just would be happy for now to be down 10 pounds. If I eat 1200-1500 calories I put on weight. If I eat a thousand I stay the same. I want to scream somedays. MOVE ALREADY….(the scale)preview-pillow22-1574761-front-fThis is one of my latest designs. I am trying to keep coming up with new ideas. The purse design is below. It is a design featuring 5 purses. Here is the link

Tomorrow I am not staying home. They are doing repairs on the outside of the house and it is a nightmare. The banging and clanging are jangling my nerves. I am not sure where I am going but I am not staying here. I need to go and buy a clothing rack at Ikea if I am going to do the farmers market. It would be great to hang my scarves on for the farmers market. Or I could go to Half Moon Bay and look for boutiques that might carry my items…or I could just head south and visit Nana and Papa…mmmm decisions, decisions. Max just told me that he was possibly going to visit the head of his elementary/middle school. The guy was also their math teacher. He was going to go with two friends that he has had since Kindergarten. They all went to different prep schools but they are all still friends. That is the advantage of small schools the teachers all remember you.

He had to do traffic school online today for his speeding ticket. He also applied for a job and he has more than one that he needs to follow up on. He is a little bit of a lazy little bugger. You have to keep at him. He has no chance of just sitting around for 6 months until he starts college next year…NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. He owes us $400 for his speeding ticket.

I will try and not be so lethargic about my blogging. Watch this space. Happy Monday. Have a great week.

But I had a vision

IMG_7120.JPG“You are not wearing jeans to the final Senior mass at school. I am putting my foot down.”” But mom I have a vision for the style I had in mind.” Sure enough, I came down this morning and who is sitting here in black jeans and a tuxedo jacket and Chelsea boots. Yeah, you guessed. Mr. Fashionista. I conceded because this was not the hill I felt like dying on today. I am in such a low place today but I was bursting with pride when he presented his senior project. He wrote the songs, composed the music and his delivery was eloquent, stylish and confident. I sometimes cannot believe that this is the boy that did not say one word at school for years and years. He has a real confident persona. If he lets me I will post the video on the blog in a few days. He is away on Senior retreat until Sunday. He is going to be getting letters from friends and family wishing him luck. It is a school tradition that the seniors are not supposed to know about until they receive the letters. We sent in about a dozen letters from family and friends that had already graduated from school.

Yesterday I wrote my final for my English class. The final was not a problem except why in this day and age would you make people write the exam in little exercise books like it is 1985. I am now free for the summer. I need the summer to give myself an attitude adjustment and now work on the business. I am looking forward to having the time to not feel pressured to spend it on any other activity except maybe exercise. I am thinking of looking into Restorative yoga as an alternative exercise. I am looking for the physical to try and correct my spirit… Today is Saturday and we have no plans. I have not designed anything in a few days so that might be a nice activity for the rest of the day. Better than what I did yesterday…curl up in a ball on the sofa and mindlessly watch tv.

Sorry that this is a short one but life is just not that exciting right now. Chat tomorrow.