Circle of life…11 days and counting

Random nature shot taken today

The photo above was taken when I noticed this random tree trunk base as I was walking down the street today so I thought I would share. Today I decided to once again try a mindfulness women’s circle at the local Buddist prayer center. It was, to say the least….mmmm interesting. I am really not sure if this is for me. It involved meditation and then a circle introduction and activity about the circle of life and using medicine wheel. Here is a link to the information on a Medicine wheel. Very interesting.


We got to choose a card that spoke to us….mmm I wonder why this grabbed my eye So at any rate we were given a wheel to write on as we saw fit. I wrote my thoughts in the middle and then I struck on coming home that I should write the poem I wrote about Motherhood on the circle. So this afternoon I set aside time to go ahead and transfer the poem and then I decorated the outer limits into a mandala pattern as my own mindfulness exercise. Here is the end result.

day11aI am trying to make an effort to get out of the house but I am a little unsure about this group being the right thing for me. I think I prefer the Restorative yoga.

My college classes are supposed to start on Monday but the Math teacher made the material available to us already. This class is really stressing me out and so I decided to get started this afternoon. I got into the groove and finished all of the homework exercises that are due up until Feb 8th. So far so good but we will see how long that lasts.

The boy was at work most of the day. It was supposed to be his last day but he is squeezing in one last shift on Monday. He then went out for dinner with one of his high school friends. Forget spending time with your parents the week before you leave. There is no time for that.

Well, here we go. Time is moving fast and furious. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the nutritionist and then I need to go and pick up a cake for the farewell party on Saturday. I heard that Sprinkles now makes full-size cakes so I hope that they are pretty good.

May you have a peaceful Friday.


Boots and Baristas…Twelve days and counting.

img_0563No one has ever had as much fun in a part-time job as much as this guy. He cracks me up. He loves going to work every day and the people at work have been teaching him to be a Barista which is funny because his job finishes tomorrow. If I had to get up at 4:45am to go and make avocado toast for overprivileged brats or wash dishes I would be less than pleasant. He does not even leave when his shift is done so he can hang out with the people that work there.

Yesterday he finally got his dorm assignment. He is thrilled with the assignment. He is getting to live his dream. He will actually be living on Broadway in the artsy farty dorm building. He will find his tribe for sure. He has a two-person room so he only has to share a bathroom with one guy. The only worry is that there is no dining hall in that building and I do not trust him to eat enough. His skinny butt cannot afford to miss meals. He has to go to other buildings to get dinner. aa6ffa18-2cd9-4a4f-842d-c65af18528fbWe had to buy a few items of clothing for ourselves and so I got to buy snow boots for the trip. Actually nice and warm and I could probably use them here for the rainy season.

I actually got to sleep before midnight last night and I slept until 6 am and then I actually fell asleep again and then woke up at 10:45am. I feel a little human again but that churning anxiety is still under the surface…bubbling like hot lava. I want to go out this afternoon and buy the paper goods and snacks for his farewell party on Saturday. We are moving it to my sister’s house because it makes it easier for everyone. That way nana and papa do not have to travel here if it is raining. We booked our hotel last night. Nice and close to the dorms. We will be able to go shopping for necessities. His dorm room has even got place for a fridge and microwave. I think he has more closet space in that room than he has here at home. I told lovie that we did not need to do any touristy stuff but I think I want to go to MJ Trimmings again. That store is AMAZING. Walls and Walls of ribbons and patches and buttons…heaven. img_8393

Darn, this is tough on a parent. We are taking the strain. I know his dad is feeling it too. You raise them to leave but shit it is harder than you think. I wish I would have known this years ago. “Actual” Jean told me to be prepared two years ago but I wish I had known this 8 years ago. I know that I have made changes to have something for myself and I am still struggling. I am almost finished with my Digital Art and Animation degree and I am trying to formulate a way to get this business idea of mine off the ground. It is all stuttering and spluttering but I think I can get there eventually. Yesterday I started looking at some math classes on Khan Academy. I am amused at the prospect of actually having to pass two math classes in the next two semesters if I want to finish this degree. Heaven help me and my live-in tutor. Mr “Three degrees from MIT” has his work cut out for him. LOL.

I have been watching the weather in Manhattan and I have noticed that it is getting colder and colder. Oh Lord, this is going to be fun.


Not perfect but better

IMG_7452So this is the table that has been tweaked, I think that it is more attractive now. I also received new scarves and purses. The ones that I had hope would be here have not arrived yet. My anxiety is still stifling. I had a good long chat with not Jean on Wednesday. She has differing opinions to actual Jean so my brain was a little fried.Slightly differing opinions which is to be expected but now it is to make sense of both and decide what I think and want.  I want this to be a success but does it have to be that now. I never thought of it that way. If it is so distressing to stand and sell to strangers then is it the right thing for me now. I have a lot of emotions because of the kiddo leaving. I have booked three more farmers markets and one flea market. I will have to see how it goes and assess how good it is for me to be doing this right now. I will keep on designing. Maybe her suggestion on concentrating on getting it to stores instead might be good. I am in really bad shape most days. So frustrating. Today I had a quiet day at home. I actually blew the dust out of the sewing machine and made three little coin purses. The machine was so dirty inside I had to use a air canister to clean out the fluff and now it is working pretty well.

Boy went and took his girl to the beach tonight to watch the sunset. He is so smitten with her and it is precarious because she is still in high school and being a senior this year she has a lot of things to think about. Young love…so complicated. fullsizeoutput_5dd4Tomorrow is Friday. I am heading down to the south-bay to go to lunch with Papa and my sister and her girls. I want to go to Reconstructive Yoga tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to it. Well watch for pictures from our Indian Lunch tomorrow.


Overthinking it

The farmer’s market sidewalk stall in progress.

I am busy trying to rework my scarf display for the farmers market on Saturday. It is a work in progress. Set up in my dining room working it again and again until it looks like I want it to look. I want it to be eye catching so that they see the colors and designs. I find that they do not understand it until they see that the designs are unique. My anxiety is not ideal for this exercise. I will just keep reworking it until it looks good. I am hoping that the new scarves will be here this week. I will post the work in progress as it goes along and some photos of the new scarves when they arrive. I am in the mood to sew for some reason. Not sure why but what the heck..I might just do that tomorrow.

Nana being schooled by Tannie in Texas.

I had a nice chat to my mom this afternoon on face time in Texas. I got to say hi to my cousins and favorite aunt as well. Tomorrow it is once again time for not Jean. I have a lot to talk about. Also tomorrow night is Yin Gentle Yoga. I am looking forward to it.

I have been making smoothies in the morning as per the nutritionist suggestion to get my nutrients boosted for the day. . I have been using the pea greens and they make the drink taste good. Tomorrow I am going to add some shredded carrots. I have lost almost 2 lb thank goodness. I need that  I was not that disciplined today but you know…

I am just being creative with whatever I have on a particular day. I bought some coconut water and beet juice today to use as the liquid base. I am working really hard at trying to put the food issues behind me….time will tell…until I get angry and starve again.

Smoothie of the day.

It’s too peopley out there

IMG_7428.JPGI found this shirt on Zulily today that says “Stay Home it is too Peopley out there” I could not have said it better. I went and did the farmers market today. I do not know if I can handle this. It was so agonizing and nervewracking for me. More than once I could have abandoned ship and just left my stuff and run screaming. I am really an odd cookie. Not sure why I am so nervous about this but I am. I really think that this can go somewhere but I need to figure out how to explain that it is my own artwork and that is why every one of the scarves is different. I sold nothing but neither did the lady next to me right up until 10 min to closing when she sold a small little purse. The other lady near me sold one or two fairy houses that she makes. I am so conflicted. I want to make this work but I just am not sure if I am a person cut out for being at festivals. I just cannot deal with people…..sad but true. I am going to stick it out for now and try different displays to see what works.

This evening the guys and I went to a concert in the park near our home. It was lovely. This area near the bay is notorious for it’s freezing and wild wind. It was very pleasant in the park and there was a food truck selling waffles. It was lovely to sit and listen to music. We are getting old because next time we will be sure to take chairs. My hip is pretty bad at the best of times. I am hobbling along again. This is so frustrating as it messes with exercise. h1JltEc4Riy0Quzw90CV5w Our pal, Wallace, as he was dubbed by Max. He joined us for the concert, He moved like the wind.

Friday at last

IMG_7407So we all made it to Friday. I am still in a state of serious anxiety and panic. The visit to my nutritionist went well. She is the kindest, sweetest most wonderful woman I have met. She is always so helpful. I am getting it slowly but surely…I hope. I think. The relationship with food is improving a little bit at a time. My actual nutrition and getting good fuel into my body is most definitely a work in progress. I am not sure how a 50-year old woman gets to 50 without that skill….but it is what it is. Apart from that, I went to Office Depot to pick up a few bits and bobs. I am set up to take credit cards on my phone so I wanted to make sure I had a battery power bank and I found a great deal and for a Vivitar for $3 on sale. I came home and boy was missing. I thought he had just missed me and was on his way to meet her. She confuses me sometimes. I think she is lovely and perfect for him but she keeps him on a string and will cancel plans or spend a day with girlfriends instead of him. She will get back from a trip and not see him for two more days. I cannot understand it. He is so gentle and loving that he just takes it. I would say she is not that into it but honestly, I have seen the way she looks at her and him at her. She looks at him so adoringly. Teenagers…yikes. I just cannot stand seeing him hurting. He has always been a tender old soul. He also has not yet found a job. He really needs to get moving.

I am busy making lasagna and then I am heading out to go and attend a restorative yoga class again. It is honestly one of the most relaxing things I have ever done. It is such a pity that the drive and parking experience is the usual Bay Area Nightmare. I have to leave an hour early to find parking at a class 2 miles away. It is like when I go to visit no Jean on a Wednesday. My appointment is at 2:30pm and it is 60 min. I have to leave home at 1:40 to make sure I get there on time and if I go to the grocery store I get home after 5pm. Her office is about 4-5 miles away. Crazy. A one-hour appointment basically kills the whole afternoon. I took a nap this afternoon for the first time in a few weeks. I did dose myself with Ativan and some baileys last night so maybe I was not finished sleeping.

Screen Shot 2018-06-19 at 5.16.54 PMNow for a little giggle at the ditz. I have bought a clothing rack and another 3 tier organizer on wheels for the farmers market on Sunday. Like all good Ikea things, you have to build them yourself. Now I am a little odd on most levels and one of them is that I love building Ikea furniture. So I set out about putting the clothing rack on wheels together. Darn it. I am almost finished and I wanted to attach the top rail that the clothes hang on and I dropped the bolt into the tube and now it is stuck and I cannot get it out. I was so close to getting done. I think it is going to be perfect for my needs. I am dying to try it out so boohoo. Welcome to my life. I am hoping the guys can pull the end cap so we can get it out….otherwise, I am not sure what to do.

Ok, I am off to try and calm my troubled soul. Have a wonderful and peaceful weekend. I will let you know how the farmer’s market went.

Happy Weekend.

Bang Bang

Beautifully sad 

I must be honest I have been a little lax with the blogs but for no real reason. Just caught up in doing nothing..LOL. Now things are settling down. I got my grade back from my Honors English class and it was an A. Now I can go ahead and enjoy summer and concentrate on the design business. I am trying to figure out all of the avenues. I am going to give it a try at the DeAnza Flea Market next month. It might be a little low brow for my items but I will not know unless I try. I also contacted the local San Carlos farmers market as they do allow nonfood vendors. I am keen to give it a try. Things are moving for sure.

Yesterday I finally tried Yoga. It was gentle Yin Yoga. I am still hoping for a Restorative yoga class showing up on the schedule at the local yoga place I have enrolled in. It was a little difficult as my bursitis makes my hip stiff but I must say that I enjoyed it. I have put on 10 pounds and I cannot get rid of it. I am so frustrated. I put on this weight after my iron infusion at the end of last year and I can scream because it will not budge. I do not exercise like I used to because of my hip but I am ready to ice it, novacaine it…do whatever it takes to at least get a mile every day. I hope to get the yoga in at least twice a week. I have to get rid of the 10 pounds. It is disgusting.  The nutritionist always tells me I eat too little so my body freaks out and holds onto every pound. Well doing it the other way makes me put on weight. I am not ashamed to say that I am obsessed with checking the scale. I do not have any faith in my ability not to keep gaining. I just would be happy for now to be down 10 pounds. If I eat 1200-1500 calories I put on weight. If I eat a thousand I stay the same. I want to scream somedays. MOVE ALREADY….(the scale)preview-pillow22-1574761-front-fThis is one of my latest designs. I am trying to keep coming up with new ideas. The purse design is below. It is a design featuring 5 purses. Here is the link

Tomorrow I am not staying home. They are doing repairs on the outside of the house and it is a nightmare. The banging and clanging are jangling my nerves. I am not sure where I am going but I am not staying here. I need to go and buy a clothing rack at Ikea if I am going to do the farmers market. It would be great to hang my scarves on for the farmers market. Or I could go to Half Moon Bay and look for boutiques that might carry my items…or I could just head south and visit Nana and Papa…mmmm decisions, decisions. Max just told me that he was possibly going to visit the head of his elementary/middle school. The guy was also their math teacher. He was going to go with two friends that he has had since Kindergarten. They all went to different prep schools but they are all still friends. That is the advantage of small schools the teachers all remember you.

He had to do traffic school online today for his speeding ticket. He also applied for a job and he has more than one that he needs to follow up on. He is a little bit of a lazy little bugger. You have to keep at him. He has no chance of just sitting around for 6 months until he starts college next year…NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. He owes us $400 for his speeding ticket.

I will try and not be so lethargic about my blogging. Watch this space. Happy Monday. Have a great week.

All is said and done

IMG_7263I know that I have not written in a week. It was a wild ride, to say the least. More excitement than this mama needed for sure. So last Tuesday the kiddo was off on a secret senior adventure which turned out to be a day at the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk and then a night sleeping in the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It turns out that for $9500 you can rent the aquarium overnight for up to 100 people. He says that they provide dinner, a midnight snack and breakfast and a night sleeping in front of the large tanks. Grandma arrived that day from Wisconsin to see the boy graduate. Then the festivities happened fast and furious. Thursday was the day that the kids went to practice the graduation procession and then they got to decorate their caps. Of course, NYU and Kanye featured strongly on a particular cap.

IMG_7274Friday we had senior mass at the school chapel followed by a lovely dinner with a senior prize giving. The kiddo was acknowledged when the honor society had to stand up. He also made us so proud with his performing arts award. IMG_7211

Dinner with a family we have known since the boys were in Kindergarten

Then the excitement of the actual day. We picked papa up at a nearby mall because he had to drive from their home further south. Nana was very sad because she could not attend both graduations and our niece was graduating at the exact same time in the south bay. So we had to split up the grandparents for the day. Papa and I did, however, get to watch our niece get her diploma on the live stream because Max’s school is a class of 60 kids and our niece is in a class of 200, and our ceremony was done before theirs. The ceremony was beautiful, and the speaker was a monk from St Anselm Abbey. His speech was so engaging, and he recalled a cute story from the time that he was head of school at the Priory. The boy graduated with Head of school honors. Last year one of his classmates was picked as one of the winners of a national singing televised competition on ABC. He has been touring with the boyband “In Real Life.” It was neat that he was back to graduate with his twin brother and the class. IMG_6053

That evening Max went to a party hosted by one of the families and then yesterday we hosted our family and Max’s friends to a graduation lunch. The house is small, and I was worried about the temperature in the house because we have no air conditioning this close to the bay. Thank goodness yesterday’s weather was perfect and even though the house was full of close to 20 people it was perfect with the windows open. We ordered the food from a local build your own hamburger place again, and we had the two cakes in the picture above, and Nana brought a cheesecake that was devoured by everyone. The day was great, and we finished it off with a video of the kids over the past eighteen years. It was a roaring success. The teenagers were roaring with laughter at the old pictures. It was so great having all of Max’s friends here to celebrate. We missed his girlfriend as she was sick yesterday. The money Leis was a great hit, and they both got great gifts. My sister bought them this cute picture frame with a real emergency $50 encased inside.


Here is a link to the kiddo’s musical EP on SoundCloud. He wrote all of the lyrics himself and composed the music. This was a hard-won triumph for his senior project.

Below are random pictures of family and friends at graduation including a friend that has been at school with him since kindergarten. The man with his in the top right photo is his drama teacher. He made such a difference in Max’s life. He believed in him and nurtured his talent. He changed Max’s outlook and boosted his confidence to new levels. Every child should have a teacher like that in their lives.

Now all of the excitement is over. Back to real life today. Laundry, dishes, etc. Now that both schools are over and I also no longer have work to do I plan on spending time working in the business.  Happy Monday and hopefully I will be posting more than once this week. 42511684712_0287f21e78_o.jpg

Funny Munny

IMG_6800I have spent the day today doing laundry and making rosettes with dollar bills. I plan on making a money lei got my girl, my kiddo and girlie’s boyfriend. I am actually enjoying the making of the flowers. I have made around 25. The boy came back from his retreat today. It was so wonderful what wonderful things the kids and teachers wrote in his yearbook. The guy is well loved. So sweet. His drama teacher wrote such a beautiful letter to him. It made us feel so proud. He is about to embark on a whole new adventure. I have been struggling so badly with sadness and seems like nana is in the same boat. I think his dad is also struggling a little. He was home for about 6 hours and he was gone again with his friends.  Lovie and I were out on a walk when he texts me to ask if we could mind if he went out. I am a pushover but oh well…..I know he is exhausted so I am so glad that his friend picked him up and she will bring him home later. His phone has died so we cannot spot where he is. He is definitely getting a new phone for a graduation present.

The graduation party is coming together nicely. I have the cakes booked. The food will be ordered tomorrow. I have the decorations. My sister has the candy “bar” buffet. Another super Pinterest idea of course. I have invited about 5 of his friends and so far three will be here for sure. It is going to be great sharing this celebration with friends and family. I am so looking forward to it.

Today I have tried to lay off the Ativan because it makes me dopey on the next day and I have jobs I want to accomplish tomorrow. I am struggling without it. I am sitting here fretting because the boy is still not home. Something I really need to get used to I guess. My mother in law arrives on Tuesday. She will be in town for a week. She is no trouble at all and possibly one of the easiest houseguests ever. I still have not Jean on Wednesday. She is crucial this week . Where is Jean when you need her? Sipping drinking mai tais on her retirement deck I guess…LOL..Oh well, I will just have to grit my teeth and try to figure out my sadness as best that I can.

Not much design went on today because I was busy with the money rosettes. I hope to post a picture of the finished products tomorrow.

Well if you are here in the USA. Have a wonderful Memorial day with your friends and family. Enjoy your week.