I feel so funky

copyright50dressesI did not realize that I had not written since Tuesday. I meant to report back that not Jean went from being Not Jean to Almost Jean…LOL….Therapy was helpful this week. I went to the south bay on Friday and went to breakfast with two of my girlies and Nana and my sister. We went to this cute diner. Restorative yoga was so rejuvenating on Friday night. I really needed it. Yesterday we had a quiet day at home, and the kiddo went out to be with his original wolfpack(7 kids he has known since Kindergarten) and lovie, and I went out for Peruvian dinner. It is a lovely cuisine. We love our ethnic food. I spent the last few days working on two designs for fabric design, competitions on Spoonflower.com. The design above is my entry for a 1950s theme. The design below is for the 1960s design competition. coopyrightgroovysixtiesblack

I think that this week I need to start working on fall and holiday designs for scarves. In my last blog, I mentioned that I cut out 6 little dresses. This is the first one that I have completed. I am working on the second one at the moment.IMG_1409

On Tuesday I start school. Tomorrow I am going to try out Iyengar yoga tomorrow morning. It is partially done on a belt system that is attached to the wall. I am not sure if I am capable but I am going to give it a try. Yoga does seem to help with the anxiety, even it is a little relief.

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping so my Dr gave me a sleeping tablet.  I have been relying on taking children’s Dimetapp as a sleep aid..Do not laugh! It actually works very well. The first night I took a half a sleeping tablet….Nothing. Second night a whole tablet…..Nothing. So when I saw her on Saturday I told her that the tablets were useless. She told me to take two. So last night I decided to give it a try. It took a while to work but I did conk out for the night. However, I have a massive sleep hangover today. I do not think I slept enough and I feel like I am sedated today. This evening I feel like I am ready to go and sleep and it is just past 6:30pm. I can’t win.

The kiddo is heading into his first 29 hour week at last. I think he is a little wistful as tomorrow his high school buddies go back to school and I think he is sad that he is not there. That kid loved his high school experience. He is enjoying his little coffee shop gig. I think for a boy who has led a very cushy life it is good for him to get his hands dirty. He has mainly been a floater and washed a lot of dishes in the past week. Ironically he is the official dishwasher specialist in this house.

I hope to get in more swimming this week. I have been 3 times now and love it. It will be too cold soon so I better take advantage of it. I have a busier week than I have had this summer. I am not doing any farmers markets until the end of the month. In two weeks time my niece, Georgie is off to college. We are making it a family affair. I am taking Nana and the kiddo to help her move in with her mama. I know that I am going to cry. We are all going to cry. I love that girl so much.

Here we head into a new week. May you have a stressfree and enjoyable week.

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Bust

Well, that was a complete waste of time yesterday. That was most definitely the wrong place to be selling the scarves. Firstly when I got there I was sent to the wrong spot. I had set up the whole thing when this guy shows up and lets me know that I was in the wrong spot. I had to move everything over to my spot and then drive the car over. My neighbor was annoying and he had set up his anime toys so that I could not get into my van at the end. I felt like a fish out of water. I sold one scarf. It was the wrong items for the environment. There were just cheapskates who would never pay $45 for a scarf. My mom came and spent most of the day with me and my sister and niece came to visit me. Saved the day. It was good to see them. I had them take nana home because it started getting hot and we were dodging the sun because the stalls are under solar panels so the shade constantly moves. Let us just say it was a very, very long day. I was frazzled by the end of the day. I paid $35 for the day and sold a scarf for $35. So net gain $0. Very disheartening. I do not know where to go from here. I am not ready to give up but I am befuddled and so stressed anyway. Today I went downstairs and sorted all of the items. I reorganized the scarves in color order and then I folded and packed away the little leather trim clutches and good scarves so that they do not get dusty. I have now got it all squared away and ready for the next event. I am thinking maybe doing the San Carlos farmers market on the last Sunday in August. Then possibly the Holiday Fairs and boutiques.

IMG_7751 2The anxiety is spiraling as usual. Today cleaning and organizing was a little cathartic I guess. Oh well…Here comes another week. This week I have some appointments and I am going to keep looking at possible Holiday Faires. Have a great week.

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So here we go.

IMG_7532I have not been active…if you have noticed but it is because of the anxiety that has been driving me crazy and making me feel hopeless. I have had a quiet week at home and I spent time making some interesting items for the flea market tomorrow. I am going to try it for the first time. They have this major fleamarket at DeAnza College in Cupertino. I hear that this might be a viable option. I have been systematically cleaning out all of the closets in the house. I redid my closet and threw away unnecessary items. My sewing items are all now organized. I cleaned out and tidied the garage and overflow food pantry. Wow, I threw away tons of expired food. I then moved onto the hall closet. That has been streamlined. Tell me how a boy who lives in California has 9 jackets. I then moved onto my pantry. I ordered 20 mason jars on Google express and I cleared out the pantry…again …expired food coming out of my ears. That has been cleared and now I have put everything in bottles. I will post a picture once the organization is done. I decided to look around the garage for items that I have made so I will be taking a few items to the flea market tomorrow. I found dolls, baby toys and other items to take tomorrow. I was also bored so I decided to spend a day at home quietly making greeting cards from scraps that I have around the house. I ended up making almost 30 greeting cards with reusing cards etc. I think that they are really nice. IMG_7719 2I found ribbon in the clearance bin at Joann’s fabrics. I found a bunch of “Frozen” and “minion” ribbon and in the spirit of keeping busy, I managed to make 20 bows. I have never made hairbows on barrette clips before but I think that they are very cute. I got glue on my Lululemon pants but I managed to iron it off so it was not as disastrous as it could have been.24FF88AD-1AFF-4DC8-8B35-62C3E5EA002B

I have to be there at 6:30am…yikes.

I have not been posting very much because I have not been up for doing much of anything. The paralyzing anxiety has been getting the better of me. Of course, it would be great if I still had Jean to help. My memory is shot to hell because I am so anxious all of the time. I must say going to yoga twice a week is good for my mind, body, and soul. One class is Restorative yoga and the other is Yin Gentle I will try and go more once things settle down. The anxiety has been so trying that I decided to give CBD oil a try…..well actually I bought gummies for this company Purekana. I will let you know what I think. I took one this evening after a very anxious day and two lorazepam yesterday. I might be imagining it but I am feeling a little more mellow this evening. This is not an endorsement but just information on where I got the gummies. https://purekana.com/products/cbd-vegan-gummies-25mg-each/

I have started working on fall designs but I am reluctant to actually make any until I get some sales from my existing inventory.

Oh well. Here goes nothing. Hopefully, I will have enough energy to report back on the results of the flea market jaunt. https://www.deanza.edu/fleamarket/

Can’t fight the feeling…or maybe I just do not know how.

Sometimes you just need to do something different when it comes to being creative. I decided to take a day or two off to imagine some inspirational posters. This is the first one that I came up with a few a days ago. The anxiety is so out of control again. I saw not Jean earlier this week because I was desperate. I am still fighting the monster every day. I am at choking on it again at the moment. Arghhhh.

The boy has actually been employed by the coffee shop that he had hoped to be working at. He will probably get his hours tomorrow. He is grounded for two weeks and has lost his car so it is a pain in the arse because if he needs to go anywhere we need to take him. However, I am making him take the train to work next week. I am not an Uber driver. I will not elaborate on his major transgression but we have a whole list of rules that he has to agree to next week before he gets to use the car again. He also has to start paying us back for the speeding ticket that he had to pay. Boys. Never having rebelled before it is a learning curve that is more like a curveball than anything else. I have been enjoying the yoga and I plan on going tonight. I am only brave enough for Yin Gentle and Restorative for now. It is my attempt at calming my nerves. The local meditation center has a women’s group once a month. They call it the women’s circle of mindfulness. I plan on going tomorrow. There is some sort of art project tomorrow and if it will calm me down I will go.

Screen Shot 2018-07-08 at 8.57.58 PMI also decided to enter the weekly fabric design competition for the first time in weeks. It was supposed to be a tribute to the medical profession. I came up with the design below. I think it would really work on Scrubs. I was very happy with the end result.

So as you can see, creatively I am in a very different mood creatively. I plan on making sure I do go to the Farmers Market on Sunday. I think I will make the table display all about the new lilac and purple scarves.

Well, it is humpday. I hope you are having a wonderful week. Peace. Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 10.45.14 PM

A nurses tribute

A tribute to nurses.

$18.00

4th of July

mbK+YMVLQ3yn7QnFtUNHvgA beautiful sunset on the 4th of July, This was the beautiful burning sunset while we were waiting for the fireworks. The usual suspects were a small motley crew this year. This is the last year the two oldest cousins will probably be around for the 4th. We had dinner and then we went up to wait for the darkness so we could watch the fireworks in Foster City. I am in bad shape at the moment and it meant nothing to me. I think I watched with my eyes wide shut.

Last night we had a parenting doozy. I will not get into the details but it has drained me. I am wiped out emotionally. All I will say is TEENAGERS! I was supposed to be going to a flea market tomorrow with my scarves but I just cannot even fathom doing it tomorrow. I am to mentally washed out to even contemplate it. Maybe next month. Sorry about this very short blog but I am so tired from not sleeping last night. Have a good weekend. Stay cool.

Circle of life

RetrofallToday we ventured into another new era. The boy finally got a job. Thank goodness that expensive prep school education paid off. He got a job as a floater in a coffee shop..LOL…I am just kidding. It is just a job to keep him busy until he heads off to college in February. I am dying for him to come home so that I can find out exactly what they made him do. He is out with his friends for now. I am once again incredibly sad today. I just want to cry again. The emotions are overwhelming sometimes. I wish I could break out of this funk.

I received a new batch of scarves today. I am so proud of this latest batch. The designs are getting more creative and better as time goes by. I have some new ideas that I am dying to try out. I am all ready for the 4th of July tomorrow. As tradition has it my sister and her family come over for dinner and then we head off to the top of the Oracle Headquarters Parking lot to watch the fireworks in nearby Foster City. We have taken the kids up there for over 10 years and it has become a little bit of a tradition. It is great. The fireworks are nice and completely viewable and there is NO Traffic on the way home. Sadly this is probably the last year because two of them will be in college and my guy will be doing a summer semester because his intake is February and he still graduates with his class of 2022.  I am so weird. I have no interest in food so it is a chore to actually think of a menu for tomorrow. I have kept it super simple this year. Food just causes me too much grief. I’d rather not think about it.

Nanny is still in Texas having a blast by the sounds of it. Tannie(my mom’s sister and my favorite aunty) is teaching Nana to make the most beautiful aprons. I think Nana has got to add them to my stalls.

Apart from that, I do not have much else to share. I am busy charging my phone so I can head out in 20 minutes for a walk. Trying to walk the anxiety away….good luck with that buttercup.
To all my fellow Americans. Keep it civil. Be kind and Happy 4th of July. Stop the violence. God Bless the USA. As an immigrant, I am grateful for every day I get to live here.