Boots and Baristas…Twelve days and counting.

img_0563No one has ever had as much fun in a part-time job as much as this guy. He cracks me up. He loves going to work every day and the people at work have been teaching him to be a Barista which is funny because his job finishes tomorrow. If I had to get up at 4:45am to go and make avocado toast for overprivileged brats or wash dishes I would be less than pleasant. He does not even leave when his shift is done so he can hang out with the people that work there.

Yesterday he finally got his dorm assignment. He is thrilled with the assignment. He is getting to live his dream. He will actually be living on Broadway in the artsy farty dorm building. He will find his tribe for sure. He has a two-person room so he only has to share a bathroom with one guy. The only worry is that there is no dining hall in that building and I do not trust him to eat enough. His skinny butt cannot afford to miss meals. He has to go to other buildings to get dinner. aa6ffa18-2cd9-4a4f-842d-c65af18528fbWe had to buy a few items of clothing for ourselves and so I got to buy snow boots for the trip. Actually nice and warm and I could probably use them here for the rainy season.

I actually got to sleep before midnight last night and I slept until 6 am and then I actually fell asleep again and then woke up at 10:45am. I feel a little human again but that churning anxiety is still under the surface…bubbling like hot lava. I want to go out this afternoon and buy the paper goods and snacks for his farewell party on Saturday. We are moving it to my sister’s house because it makes it easier for everyone. That way nana and papa do not have to travel here if it is raining. We booked our hotel last night. Nice and close to the dorms. We will be able to go shopping for necessities. His dorm room has even got place for a fridge and microwave. I think he has more closet space in that room than he has here at home. I told lovie that we did not need to do any touristy stuff but I think I want to go to MJ Trimmings again. That store is AMAZING. Walls and Walls of ribbons and patches and buttons…heaven. img_8393

Darn, this is tough on a parent. We are taking the strain. I know his dad is feeling it too. You raise them to leave but shit it is harder than you think. I wish I would have known this years ago. “Actual” Jean told me to be prepared two years ago but I wish I had known this 8 years ago. I know that I have made changes to have something for myself and I am still struggling. I am almost finished with my Digital Art and Animation degree and I am trying to formulate a way to get this business idea of mine off the ground. It is all stuttering and spluttering but I think I can get there eventually. Yesterday I started looking at some math classes on Khan Academy. I am amused at the prospect of actually having to pass two math classes in the next two semesters if I want to finish this degree. Heaven help me and my live-in tutor. Mr “Three degrees from MIT” has his work cut out for him. LOL.

I have been watching the weather in Manhattan and I have noticed that it is getting colder and colder. Oh Lord, this is going to be fun.



Root Canals et all

oneveryoldgoatand3youngerones..jpgI forgot to post this one of us three girls with the old goat….oops I mean Mama. Well, more like three old ladies with their older lady mother…whatever…I am waffling….must be the meds.  Today I had my broken tooth repaired and found out that both of the teeth at the back need a root canal or they need to be removed. My initial knee-jerk response was that I wanted them out. But then after thinking about it would have required work anyway and then eventually more work to put in the implants so tomorrow I have an appointment at an endodontist to have the root canal done. I will repeat my medication regimen from today of one Ativan when I leave home and one when I get there. I see that this guy offers laughing gas so I say bring it on. My approach to avoiding drugs or treatments that make me feel out of control are becoming more appealing. A glass of wine and an Ativan was wonderful on Christmas Eve and Christmas night. No chance of getting addicted but it is about time I cut loose a little. Always so buttoned down and restrained by my own rules and regulations. God knows the food rules and regulations are exhausting by themselves. Post note. A root canal is done. It turned out too bad. I was not aware that you can do a root canal by drilling a small hole right down the middle of the temporary. For some reason that made it easier to cope with. It was also great to find out that only one tooth needed work…and no laughing gas BTW. Now, most of my teeth repairs are done.

I guess this is the season to get all of the medical crap out of the way. I have a stress test echocardiogram coming up and the Hematology department emailed me to say I need iron infusions again. Let us hope they do not make me put on another 10 lb. I am not a happy camper ending this year 10 lb heavier.  Then onto a healthier new slimmer year…hopefully.

I so wish that NYU would hurry up and start communicating details such dorm and roommate allocation. I have been watching the weather, and it is hairy. In the next 10 days, there is a distinct downward trend…..yikes…a couple of days in the 20s. We just do not have appropriate clothing. Max and I had to get a jacket and boots. I am such a woos. I am so scared of falling on an icy sidewalk and cracking my head..weird I know.

The boy finished up work in 12 days time. He has a nice tidy sum of cash to take with him but he has worked hard for that money and pretty much done it with a smile. I am not sure if I would come home singing and in a good mood after getting up at 4.30am to wash dishes and bus tables for 8 hours. No thanks.

No creativity has been forthcoming in this neck of the woods for the past two weeks. I have been on a couple of walks again..wonderful for sure. The restorative yoga is wonderful and I hope to make the swimming exercise a more regular occurrence in the new year…walking still does it for me. I just cannot tear around the lagoon to beat my mile records as I do not want to wreck my hip again.

Well, Happy New Year. I hope that 2019 is a good year for you.



Stop eating already


Arghhh! I have been struggling to lose the weight that I have been carrying since I put on 10 lb after my iron infusion. I had lost 3-4 lb and I have been pretty much in control and then yesterday and today the binge monster has been uncontrollable. I always try and stay at the most 1200 calories and yesterday it was about 2000 and today at least 1600. So what is wrong with that you may say. Well, anything over 1200 calories and I start ballooning up like a fat pig. Also, two days in a row is extremely weird. I wanted to go and try the Iyengar Yoga and I was too tired and sleepy. I am hoping to go to the Wednesday class instead. I have to laugh because of I was all geared up to go to school tomorrow and it only starts on Thursday. What a complete ditz.

I have recorded the kiddo’s whole life in Shutterfly books. Strangely enough I have never seen the fun in scrapbooking. I have one for every year of his toddlerhood and then for each school year and our many vacations. However, I have never done any books covering his high school or the theater years. So I have taken on the epic task. The school website literally has thousands of pictures for each play and seeing that he was a lead or major part every time there are a lot of pictures of him. I think this is going to take a good few weeks to do it right. I have so many projects on the go trying to keep my mind busy. The anxiety is pretty awful and I think that this is triggering the eating. I can only hope that tomorrow is a little better.

The kiddo worked from 8-2pm and then he went to a friend. I saw him for about 30 minutes and then he headed out to meet up with his middle school class of 2014. They are all having a last goodbye before heading off to college.

Happy Monday. I hope your week gets better by the day. Peace





So here we go.

IMG_7532I have not been active…if you have noticed but it is because of the anxiety that has been driving me crazy and making me feel hopeless. I have had a quiet week at home and I spent time making some interesting items for the flea market tomorrow. I am going to try it for the first time. They have this major fleamarket at DeAnza College in Cupertino. I hear that this might be a viable option. I have been systematically cleaning out all of the closets in the house. I redid my closet and threw away unnecessary items. My sewing items are all now organized. I cleaned out and tidied the garage and overflow food pantry. Wow, I threw away tons of expired food. I then moved onto the hall closet. That has been streamlined. Tell me how a boy who lives in California has 9 jackets. I then moved onto my pantry. I ordered 20 mason jars on Google express and I cleared out the pantry…again …expired food coming out of my ears. That has been cleared and now I have put everything in bottles. I will post a picture once the organization is done. I decided to look around the garage for items that I have made so I will be taking a few items to the flea market tomorrow. I found dolls, baby toys and other items to take tomorrow. I was also bored so I decided to spend a day at home quietly making greeting cards from scraps that I have around the house. I ended up making almost 30 greeting cards with reusing cards etc. I think that they are really nice. IMG_7719 2I found ribbon in the clearance bin at Joann’s fabrics. I found a bunch of “Frozen” and “minion” ribbon and in the spirit of keeping busy, I managed to make 20 bows. I have never made hairbows on barrette clips before but I think that they are very cute. I got glue on my Lululemon pants but I managed to iron it off so it was not as disastrous as it could have been.24FF88AD-1AFF-4DC8-8B35-62C3E5EA002B

I have to be there at 6:30am…yikes.

I have not been posting very much because I have not been up for doing much of anything. The paralyzing anxiety has been getting the better of me. Of course, it would be great if I still had Jean to help. My memory is shot to hell because I am so anxious all of the time. I must say going to yoga twice a week is good for my mind, body, and soul. One class is Restorative yoga and the other is Yin Gentle I will try and go more once things settle down. The anxiety has been so trying that I decided to give CBD oil a try…..well actually I bought gummies for this company Purekana. I will let you know what I think. I took one this evening after a very anxious day and two lorazepam yesterday. I might be imagining it but I am feeling a little more mellow this evening. This is not an endorsement but just information on where I got the gummies.

I have started working on fall designs but I am reluctant to actually make any until I get some sales from my existing inventory.

Oh well. Here goes nothing. Hopefully, I will have enough energy to report back on the results of the flea market jaunt.

4th of July

mbK+YMVLQ3yn7QnFtUNHvgA beautiful sunset on the 4th of July, This was the beautiful burning sunset while we were waiting for the fireworks. The usual suspects were a small motley crew this year. This is the last year the two oldest cousins will probably be around for the 4th. We had dinner and then we went up to wait for the darkness so we could watch the fireworks in Foster City. I am in bad shape at the moment and it meant nothing to me. I think I watched with my eyes wide shut.

Last night we had a parenting doozy. I will not get into the details but it has drained me. I am wiped out emotionally. All I will say is TEENAGERS! I was supposed to be going to a flea market tomorrow with my scarves but I just cannot even fathom doing it tomorrow. I am to mentally washed out to even contemplate it. Maybe next month. Sorry about this very short blog but I am so tired from not sleeping last night. Have a good weekend. Stay cool.

Circle of life

RetrofallToday we ventured into another new era. The boy finally got a job. Thank goodness that expensive prep school education paid off. He got a job as a floater in a coffee shop..LOL…I am just kidding. It is just a job to keep him busy until he heads off to college in February. I am dying for him to come home so that I can find out exactly what they made him do. He is out with his friends for now. I am once again incredibly sad today. I just want to cry again. The emotions are overwhelming sometimes. I wish I could break out of this funk.

I received a new batch of scarves today. I am so proud of this latest batch. The designs are getting more creative and better as time goes by. I have some new ideas that I am dying to try out. I am all ready for the 4th of July tomorrow. As tradition has it my sister and her family come over for dinner and then we head off to the top of the Oracle Headquarters Parking lot to watch the fireworks in nearby Foster City. We have taken the kids up there for over 10 years and it has become a little bit of a tradition. It is great. The fireworks are nice and completely viewable and there is NO Traffic on the way home. Sadly this is probably the last year because two of them will be in college and my guy will be doing a summer semester because his intake is February and he still graduates with his class of 2022.  I am so weird. I have no interest in food so it is a chore to actually think of a menu for tomorrow. I have kept it super simple this year. Food just causes me too much grief. I’d rather not think about it.

Nanny is still in Texas having a blast by the sounds of it. Tannie(my mom’s sister and my favorite aunty) is teaching Nana to make the most beautiful aprons. I think Nana has got to add them to my stalls.

Apart from that, I do not have much else to share. I am busy charging my phone so I can head out in 20 minutes for a walk. Trying to walk the anxiety away….good luck with that buttercup.
To all my fellow Americans. Keep it civil. Be kind and Happy 4th of July. Stop the violence. God Bless the USA. As an immigrant, I am grateful for every day I get to live here.

To market to market to buy…..

You know the rest of the ditty if you are not a millennial.

On Friday I hauled my butt down to the South Bay to take the old guy, papa out to lunch because the old girl is still in Texas visiting her sister. My baby sister and her girls joined us for lunch at a really yummy Indian buffet. I then went for a pedicure with one of my favorite girls….my oldest niece J. I then hung out with my sister and the girls until it was time to head back in our direction. I went straight to restorative yoga. The place is becoming less intimidating. I do not feel like running screaming from the building…LOL. I actually feel pretty safe.

Saturday was a fairly lazy day except we had to take the rental car back. Six weeks and the Lexus is still not fixed. Insanity. This is getting to be ridiculous. I also took the van for a wash. Lovie has been driving it and it was filthy. It looked like we had been in the snow in Tahoe. Saturday night is our regular restaurant or takes out night. The guys wanted Burritos from this very authentic Mexican place. I just had some of a smoothie I had made and my usual staple of crackers and liverwurst.

So after those boring details let me move onto Sunday. I packed up the van on Saturday night and headed to the farmers market with great trepidation on Sunday morning.. I packed out the table as I had practiced and the woman who handles the nonfood vendors was kind enough to bring me this beautiful vintage leather body form to display the scarves. So I set up and made myself comfy. Anticipating another pointless day. It was very anxiety-ridden but I decided to start working on the book I so badly want to write…..What I wish my mama,(sister, aunty, bestie) told me? …..more on that later.

So these two little girls and their mothers came to look at the table. They were about 8 and fell in love with two of the new purses that were displayed on the table. Low and behold I sold two purses to two 8-year-olds. It was so adorable. I heard one say it was the prettiest purse she had ever seen. It warmed my heart to have something think that. Later in the morning, I sold a scarf….again off of the table. The lady that had lent me the mannequin had suggested that I twirl the scarfs into flowers and sure enough that worked. Unreal. That was it for the day except for the odd shenanigans you get to observe. I had some doozies yesterday. I had an old man think that the African woman silhouette on my African scarf was a gnat. Still cannot figure that one out. I had another middle-aged lady come up to me randomly to tell me that she had just bought ” one of the new houses” around the corner…well thanks for sharing lady. I had a May/ December couple(She was the December) have a very childish altercation in front of my stall. He deliberately knocked her cookie out of her hand so she kneed him in the nuts. It looked ridiculous for a woman who was probably at least my age but very shriveled to be acting in such a manner. Then I almost saw a child killed by another idiot bay area driver. People here do not have a clue how a four-way stop works. This tow truck with the right of way started pulling through a stop and slammed on brakes because the car to his right decided to just cut him off and pull in front of him to take a left into the road that the truck was leaving. At the same time, a little girl had decided to cross the road and she emerged running behind the truck and in front of the idiot who fucked up the flow. Her parents screamed and the car slammed on brakes. It was almost a very nasty accident. The bay area people have no respect for the laws. The problem has got really bad lately. The young arrogant engineer douchebags are the worst in their BMWs or Lexus. Have I told you lately that I hate this place? The driving has got so bad that I was wondering out loud the other day whether people were possibly driving buzzed on pot.  I made it through the end of the day. I am so glad it was over. I could not wait to pack up and leave. I am going to go the other two times that I have booked and then I will reassess the situation. Next week I will be at the De Anza flea market to give it a try.

Well, today I am stuck at home with no car. I think I will just chill out. I will start typing my book intro into the laptop. My darn notebook got soaked by my water bottle. The boy has two job interviews today. Cross your thumbs, fingers toes etc. The lazy little bugger needs to get moving on some employment. It is a long time until he heads off to NYU in late January.  Happy Monday and may you have a peaceful and good week. 028-Meditation Poses V-04


Not perfect but better

IMG_7452So this is the table that has been tweaked, I think that it is more attractive now. I also received new scarves and purses. The ones that I had hope would be here have not arrived yet. My anxiety is still stifling. I had a good long chat with not Jean on Wednesday. She has differing opinions to actual Jean so my brain was a little fried.Slightly differing opinions which is to be expected but now it is to make sense of both and decide what I think and want.  I want this to be a success but does it have to be that now. I never thought of it that way. If it is so distressing to stand and sell to strangers then is it the right thing for me now. I have a lot of emotions because of the kiddo leaving. I have booked three more farmers markets and one flea market. I will have to see how it goes and assess how good it is for me to be doing this right now. I will keep on designing. Maybe her suggestion on concentrating on getting it to stores instead might be good. I am in really bad shape most days. So frustrating. Today I had a quiet day at home. I actually blew the dust out of the sewing machine and made three little coin purses. The machine was so dirty inside I had to use a air canister to clean out the fluff and now it is working pretty well.

Boy went and took his girl to the beach tonight to watch the sunset. He is so smitten with her and it is precarious because she is still in high school and being a senior this year she has a lot of things to think about. Young love…so complicated. fullsizeoutput_5dd4Tomorrow is Friday. I am heading down to the south-bay to go to lunch with Papa and my sister and her girls. I want to go to Reconstructive Yoga tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to it. Well watch for pictures from our Indian Lunch tomorrow.


Overthinking it

The farmer’s market sidewalk stall in progress.

I am busy trying to rework my scarf display for the farmers market on Saturday. It is a work in progress. Set up in my dining room working it again and again until it looks like I want it to look. I want it to be eye catching so that they see the colors and designs. I find that they do not understand it until they see that the designs are unique. My anxiety is not ideal for this exercise. I will just keep reworking it until it looks good. I am hoping that the new scarves will be here this week. I will post the work in progress as it goes along and some photos of the new scarves when they arrive. I am in the mood to sew for some reason. Not sure why but what the heck..I might just do that tomorrow.

Nana being schooled by Tannie in Texas.

I had a nice chat to my mom this afternoon on face time in Texas. I got to say hi to my cousins and favorite aunt as well. Tomorrow it is once again time for not Jean. I have a lot to talk about. Also tomorrow night is Yin Gentle Yoga. I am looking forward to it.

I have been making smoothies in the morning as per the nutritionist suggestion to get my nutrients boosted for the day. . I have been using the pea greens and they make the drink taste good. Tomorrow I am going to add some shredded carrots. I have lost almost 2 lb thank goodness. I need that  I was not that disciplined today but you know…

I am just being creative with whatever I have on a particular day. I bought some coconut water and beet juice today to use as the liquid base. I am working really hard at trying to put the food issues behind me….time will tell…until I get angry and starve again.

Smoothie of the day.