So last Monday the box arrived. I was all excited and then I did a crash and burn. I put too much stock in weird shit sometimes. I have wanted this thing for so long and finally spent more than I did on my first car to find I was paralysed with fear and claiming the boy’s bedroom as the place to build it. We lugged all the items to the first floor and then to the second floor and finally to the third floor bit by bit with lovie doing most of the heavy lifting. I then started building the land yacht bit by bit….using boy’s very firm mattress as a building spot. It was so intimidating and I lost my shit a few times. I actually thought I was going to lose it completely. This thing cost me a lot of my savings and I had to restrain myself from turning it into kindling a few times. No reflection on the product but in my state of mind. I have been struggling with severe anxiety levels this week..Not Jean had her work cut out for her on Monday. I was besides myself again. I tame the anxiety beast for weeks and then I crash and burn again. This week I crashed and burned. I am working with this workbook by David Burns MD called “The Feeling Good” handbook. I occasionally do the anxiety quizzes. Two weeks ago I did the quiz and my score was 30 which was moderate anxiety and two days ago it had skyrocketed to 65…extreme severe anxiety. So frustrating. I wish this beast was more under wraps. The feeling of constant doom and the feeling of dread that makes me want to throw up.
Tomorrow is my Oceanography and Advanced Digital Imaging finals and then I am done with school…Yikes. Well there is not much more to report. Thanks for reading. Hope you are all getting ready for the holidays. Chat soon.