Feelings

Today I woke up a little brighter. By no means am I better but I am feeling a teeny bit more human I could actually get dressed in time to walk with the procrastinator to the car. Yup, he is balking on signing with the college. Now he is in panic mode and says he needs more time. Lord help me. I know it is a monumental decision but by the end of the week, he really needs to make up his mind. I was wanting to know because I was hoping that knowing would send me onto the next phase of dealing with it. I am not sure if knowing will change the stress or how I will process grieving the loss of everyday mothering. The empty nest is an outcome of motherhood but it is leaving me mentally washed out. I went to see “Not Jean” again today. This is my 4th or 5th visit with her. I told her about how I had an insane binge after the last time I saw her. I am not ashamed to admit that I need to talk to her to try and figure out my feelings. I have a disconnect between my head and my heart sometimes and I need to talk it out to figure it out. I am a hard time baring my feeling again. I feel guarded and I just hope that going a few more weeks will help me settle down. I did eat a little too much again after I left there but it was not as bad as last time. I came home and tried to nap but no luck. I am going to finish up my two essays and hopefully, I can go to school tomorrow. No designing going on today but you win some and you lose some.

I have a little side hobby of selling my old designer stuff on Poshmark. Occasionally if I find a designer item at a super good price I like to buy it and put it up for sale. Yesterday I sold a Michael Kors dress that has an MSRP of $130 for $55. What is the thrill about that you may ask? Well, it is because I paid $20 for it. It is just a little fun and I enjoy the distraction. I initially signed up to get rid of stuff in my closet that is too big for me and items I no longer wear. I had $250 flats that I bought in 2012 and I was amazed that someone was willing to give me $100 for them. Sitting in my closet gathering dust or $100 in my Northern lights saving account. I chose the latter.

Happy Humpday. We are halfway to the weekend. Hip Hip Hooray. I will brief you again tomorrow on the never-ending college selection debacle. I am waiting to exhale until then I just hang in there by my ragged fingernails.

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