Here we go again

The baby is not a baby but a reborn doll that I painted. She has one eye that rolls into the back of her head, so we affectionately call her AYLISS.


So I found the photos that I had taken of the room after my mini office conversion. It is working out very nicely. The desk is perfect for my laptop and the new Cricut machine. I can also push the Cricut back under the shelf and remove my laptop if I want to sew. What a weird goddamn weekend. This infusion has knocked me off of my feet. I am not sure how something that is supposed to make a person feel better can make them feel so craptastic. I have zero energy, and I have been sleeping 10 hours a night. On Friday it was a toss-up between yoga and family, and I decided to go and have breakfast with the Southbay family. I was not even 2 miles from the house, and I seriously doubted my ability to drive safely on the freeway. I was so darn zonked out…like a complete space cadet. I plowed on, but I honestly think that I should not be driving when I feel like that.

The visit was very nice, and I managed to stop at Santana Row and actually find some gifts to send the boy for his birthday. Now whether he likes it or not that is the million dollar question. I had vowed to stay in bed on Saturday. Well I did get dressed but I woke up at 10:40am, and I was back on the bed resting at 2pm. So pathetic. Not doing much for my mood that is for sure. I had a little text conversation with the boy. God, I am having a rough time this weekend. I am in a panic about him again. Irrational I know but my anxiety is making me want to vomit again. If I do not want to puke, I want to sleep to get away from it. Not here again. I do not want to go backward.

School is going fine. On Friday I had to do an informational interview on the phone with someone in our desired field. I managed to get hold of the editor of Uppercase magazine, and she was kind enough to give me an interview. It went really well.  I have everything I need for the interview.

I am busy working on a portfolio for the class. The address is It is a work in progress. I am having issues with the darn site dropping my photos randomly and what use is a portfolio if it randomly makes your photos disappear. Come on WordPress snap to it already. The portfolio looks better than I thought that it would I am still probably going to tweak the style, but we will see.
Tomorrow, as usual, it is time for Not Jean. Sometimes I feel I do not need her anymore and then I feel like I do this weekend and remember that I am a really pathetic work in progress. I am sure that if I had enough energy to exercise I would feel so much better. I have been limiting the Ativan to one a day to help me sleep but today is a twofer day for the first time in weeks. I am sure the physical exhaustion is exacerbating my mood. Infusion number three is on Thursday this week. Two more after that…I can only hope things start to turn around again.


IMG_2749Lovie has decided to take advantage of the broken garage door and empty garage to pull out all of mostly his crap from under the house. He has been in the very cold garage all weekend working his ass off on organizing. It is cold down there because the garage door is buckled beyond repair. We are waiting for the new one which is on order. It is a right royal pain in the ass to have to trek all the way from the parking lot down the street to the house with groceries. All three cars are standing out in the rain….I guess that they all could do with a wash.

Ready for Prom(My Matric Dance)
Mama…..(nice orange hair Nana), Doreena and me.

And now for something completely different. I am not sure why I am posting this. I found this photo today, and it made me smile. Doreena(my late grandmother) came to see me in a prom dress(1984), and she had herself dolled up in this fancy outfit. She was an interesting character. Also, note my thick dark hair and eyebrows about 2 years before it all started falling out.



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