So tomorrow we will be home a week and I miss the boy so badly. Initially, it seemed like it would be ok….well acceptable I guess. I told myself that I could deal with it. I am trying, really trying but I am unraveling again. So sad tonight. I miss his face, I miss his crazy knack for turning anything that I say into a song. I miss hearing the singing in the shower. I even miss the unmade bed and the big ass shoe tripping hazards. He seems to be doing ok. He had found two friends to hang out with and he has experienced his first snow. He sent us a picture of Washington Square Park. I guess it has been exacerbated by the fact that we just found out that he has to attend both summer sessions so he will not be home at all for summer. That is making Lovey and me very sad.
I have been working on my school classes and tonight I just lost my marbles with the Anthropology. I thought it would be the Math for sure but I am sailing through the math. I just started crying tonight in frustration with the anthropology. Nothing goes into this thick skull of mine. So if you are 52 and crying because of a college class you just need to call it a day. I take everything far too seriously. I dropped the class tonight and I will just go ahead and find another science for the summer session. I am too tightly wound right now to deal with this right now. I am struggling with food again. I HATE FOOD. I am also sick and tired of this bullshit obsession with not eating or eating too much. I have gained so much weight since the last iron infusion a year ago and I cannot shake it. It is freaking me out. I am very worried because I went for my first of five iron infusions yesterday. The weight better just stay put. I cannot deal with one more pound. I refuse to be that fat ever again. I would be better off dead than ever going there again.
I have set up an office space in the boy’s room. It is nice being in here. It soothes me. We cleared the floor and the desk and placed all his desk belongings in a container under his bed. His desk is perfect for my activities. Designing, drawing, gaming and soon sewing as well.
The wind outside is howling and a big storm is on the way. This gives me an excuse to get some designs together and finish my assignments for the portfolio class.
I hope the week has been kind to you and enjoy the weekend.